My Sad Night — Yet Another Excuse

Not really, but as I often do, I have come here tonight to over-read some of the posts I had written in the past year’s and I feel like I’m such a let down to my own blog. Jeez… I promise this and that, and in reality I’m making that promise to myself yet I don’t stick with it.

If there is one thing I have learned throughout the years is that I cannot say I will do something because I end up doing the opposite… yet I keep on saying I will do something. I’m determined, I just don’t use that for the right things.

Tonight I felt lonely, sad, and a bit disappointed with people overall; I asked myself this question: Either I don’t know how to pick friends, or I am a total nuts… and sadly but funny at the same time most friends that would read this would agree with the latter :p

My problem is with the cyber world, ALWAYS. Gladly my life outside this mess we call NET is not crappy. In reality that should matter the most right? So why do I keep insisting in doing things that have proven again and again to not go with my character… I guess I have to stick to using my computer for writing, emails, gaming, and of course watching dramas.

Oh! Drama world why did I ever discovered you?? Ha, ha.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

From 2010-2011, 8 Best Findings

Last year for December, I made lists of most of the things that had happened in my life on 2010. The projects I could not accomplish, the best dramas, anime, and Luna Sea was always present with their music to make my holidays brighter. However, there was one post that didn’t make it; “10 Top Findings This Year”. I had written about the things and people that had entered in my life, and changed me in a magical way.

 “Do you believe in destiny? How many times have you been asked the destiny question? If you have been asked at all? Then again, this is such a mystery to the human mind that it is impossible not to ask this question even to yourself. I believe there is not one person on this Earth that has never wondered about destiny. Is it real or not? Are we born with life already planned for us by the all mighty? Or do we just live life and go with the flow of things? I think both.

I think we are born with a purpose, whether is the same for everybody or not I do not know, but we all have something to fulfill. You live your life making choices; once you have made a choice, you have paved a destiny for yourself. Cause and effect, I strongly believe in that. I also believe the people and things (events, objects) we come across with during our time on Earth are important in this cause and effect theory. That whatever we find along the way, helps us shape our future/destiny.

This year there has been many memorable things that helped shaped my destiny. I have seen things that have changed the way I think in so many aspects I can’t even begin to describe. I have been given the opportunity to do things I never thought I would do. Then, there is that one person I met –now my good friend-, Carolina.”

This year it has been full of downs more than ups, but I don’t quit that easy. I have to think of the good things that came into my life, and those other that stayed and never left me. Always supporting me, always cheering me on… so, to close the year I wanted to blog about those things/people that I encountered during 2010-2011, and that have stayed, hopefully for a long time.

8-The charcoal artist:

Originally, my number 9 finding on my 2010 list. William Kentridge, a south American artist, born in 1955. He is famous for his animated shorts done with charcoal. But what is great about him is the innovated way in which he does it. Ill show you, because some times a picture says more than words:

However this year, I have seen less of Kentridge and art as a whole, and more of music and Kpop. Big Bang is the band to bring me in into the world of Kpop.

Please read the post on Big Bang written by my fellow warriors to learn more about this amazing band. Meet Big Bang 

7-Asian Films:

Wow… I mean, WOW. I had opened myself to Asian films before; this year is not the first time, but certainly the beginning to my Asian film obsession. The movie that made it happened is one of the greatest movies I have seen; The Chaser. The story centers around a cop turned pimp, who is on a painful quest to finding his girls that have disappeared recently, and he believes were taken to be sold in the human market. What he finds, however, is something even more terrifying. I think anyone who believes themselves to be film fanatics should watch it.

Other movies that are as great as this one: I Saw The Devil (also a Korean film like The Chaser); The Warlords; Battle of Red Cliff; 13th Assassins; A Bittersweet Life; Internal Affairs (yep… the original version of The Departed).

6-Lisbeth Salander:

This was also an original pick from 2010, but it has escalated even more this year with the anticipation of David Fincher’s The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo. Yeah, yeah, yeah… you can say what you please about Hollywood making versions of other films and so on… but, this movie is not a re-make exactly, but Fincher’s own version, as he sees it to be, which makes for an interesting argument among Larson’s fans (/me is one of them). I think it is somewhat arrogant of someone to take something that is great, and presume to make it greater. But Fincher IS a great director, and I know this movie on its own will be great. Lets not compare it as a re-make, but lets view it as a different version of the original. It helps to stop the unnecessary hate… hate? Tsk, have you read the comments around the blogsphere? Yep, HATE.

5-Wordpress:

Last year I started this blog, I was happy to be able to express myself without having to feel sorry for my opinions. This year, I have also started another blog (The Dramatards) in company of Amanda, and Laken; two warriors that united with me on the cause of dramatardness (a new term on my dictionary). We will bring to you the very best of our drama experience, as well as the very worse… and boy do we rant about that! Don’t miss it. The Dramatards

4-Luna Sea:

Luna Sea is originally a find from 2010. But like Lisbeth, it has been forever constant in my life ever since. I love their music. They are talented beyond words. I believe them to be one of the greatest rock bands ever… yeah Im not saying they are the number 1, but… /me is a fan so she will place them on Greatest Rock Band Ever list any time :p

3-Friends from the blogsphere:

– Alannah Murphy (no, she is not Peter Murphy’s daughter) Alannah has been a supporter of my art, my rants, and my craziness along the way. Sometimes more than others, she has taken the ride with me into lala-land (laura’s world) She has taught me things I didn’t expect to learn, and she has trusted me with valuable things, which makes me feel bless I met such a person. I admire her determination to bring to life, what I believe will be, a hell of great fictional character… mi amiga hurry up and make him famous!! The world wishes to know him. 😉

– Laken Shirley (No she is not a vampire, but I thought the same when I first learned of her name) In the short time that I have met her, Laken has been a great help to me in many ways. Most importantly, she believed in me when I needed her to, and surprised me with wisdom, which I never expected from some one as young as her… errr, to not make me feel like an old woman, lets not disclose her age, okay? I don’t mean to say, youngsters are not capable of being wise, but is hard to meet one, especially online. I hope Laken continues to surprise me; it definitely opens my mind.

– Amanda Snyder (my fellow nekkie spammer) We have spammed together pictures of hotties, here and there… everywhere; we have taken over threads, post, and pages all over the blogsphere, with our charms (yes, I can be charming too) and quirkiness… as odd as we are a pair, we have many things in common. “Great minds think alike” right Amandita? I found in her a good friend, that has helped me and understand me… the latter is not something easy, trust me. Where will our next Taking Over take place?

2-My talent (reborn):

A co-worker said it not long ago, that my skills have improved ever since 2010 began. Yep, it is true. I have found my passion again, and this time I know that it will take me some place far… where or when? I don’t know for sure, but the feeling of forever growing is always constant since I discovered my own style. Visit the art gallery to see some of my works.

1-My good friend, Carolina:

I met Carolina in my art class of last year. She is a cheerful little miss that has brought many good things into my life. I got back into drawing full time because of her. She advised, and supporter me greatly, and still does. I admire her as well. She is a person with a goal in mind and pursues it, never quitting, never falling behind of her expectations. That is endurance and a big love for life, which I find admirable. Her desire to make a change is always constant and never weavers. With a dedication like hers to make it happen, the world could really see a different side of life. Thank you Caro, for always being a true friend, from the beginning, when we met in class as fellow students/artist, till now, as good friends. Don’t ever go away, I need you. 🙂

I would like to end with a quote from one of my favorite movies of all times… no, more than that, it is the ONE movie I have learned from the most; the movie I keep learning from, and keep going back to; The Last Samurai.

Before the final battle, leader samurai Katsumoto asks Algren if he believes in destiny, and Algren answers: “I think a man does what he can until his destiny is revealed to him.” There is cause and effect, but above all, there is definitely a purpose.

The Wicked Me

Its been about a year and two months. I look back on what I have posted, most of the things I have posted here, and I have to say I feel I have done pretty good for someone who knows crap about blogging and writing. For someone who wants to write a fiction novel and hopes to be published, I have a long way to go; and for someone with a lot to say on my mind I have said absolutely nothing of what truly counts. At least not to my understanding, not of how I see things at this moment. Some things I have written are good, others can be forgotten. But what really surprised me as interesting was the lack of impurities.

Isn’t this blog, a blog of obsessions and impurities? A blog where I come clean, and confess all my wrong doings (well not exactly, I would be shameless) and obsess about the things I wish I could possess/do/create… just BE? Yes! This is such a blog, and this is the longest time I have been away from it. At the risk of making this, yet, another post about NOT POSTING… oops, I already have! I will share how obsession entered my mind:

"Perception"

"Perception" (This is an image I captured from a drawing,"Perception", I did back in Highschool. For those who have been following my art, you should be able to notice the roughness in the skills 😛 )

It was in the form of a gift, or should I say a friend’s good will. Because, the meaning of liking is not the same as being obsess with something.

Perception rather twists things, and ultimately confuses you… it is a dangerous weapon if a person is weak-minded. For example: A person may like a certain music band, and be happy listening to their songs for more than a day; a friend may perceive that, as this person being obsess with this particular band. However, it’s their perspective, not what it’s really happening. What follows: this friend will potentially give this person, gifts of this particular music band since he/she believes it is what this person “obsesses” about. And this is how and obsession begins. Nothing wrong with it, nothing to rant about, nothing to be angry about… and I am not! It got me thinking: perhaps half of my obsessions are not even real. I have been posting about my obsessions for more than a year, and there is a big chance they aren’t really mine to begin with! WOW. I hope it’s not entirely so… I think it’s not. I still love Cowboy Bebop, and I’m very sensitive of it; I believe this one at least is real. 😉

For the rest of the year, or until I get tired again -which seems to be what happened- I would like to write about my impurities, and give way to the wicked me by sharing the things inside my head, perhaps by doing so, I will become a little more human each time. An exercise I have been practicing lately with great results… it goes something like this: “find peace within, by casting away your demons.” Hmm, why do I get the feeling that I have gotten it all wrong? Hahaha…