I think myself arrogant, and it does not help that others around me feed my pride with excessive, and at times unnecessary, praise. Perhaps, this is the reason why I am as hard as I can be with myself; if a person were to ask me about who I am, I would not know what to say. However, I can talk about myself if I start by telling you one of my many flaws. Still, why do I feel like I am an ugly person? Why do I feel like I need to be humbled down?
Artists are in constant need for understanding. We want to be acknowledged, we want to be seen. We want to be recognized, we want to be accepted. More than that, we want to receive the highest form of praise a person could ever get. As human beings, I think we already seek all these things; only artists want it even more. Perhaps, reason why some of the masters were –beyond their comprehension- so dramatic, even to the point of being tormented; even to the point of taking their lives. I do not suffer such arrogance –if arrogance it is. My punishment for having so much pride is not as severe, for I am not, and will never come (only wish to) close to being as great as the masters. I do not live a dark and lonely live; I do not suffer a one-sided tragic love. My life is simple, and common… and that is damn good. I just tell myself everyday, that I am not such a great person; that I must work at improving my character, for I lack one important thing: sincerity!
Music is the best tool for inspiration, in my opinion. Adagio in G Minor, by Tomaso Giovanni Albinoni, is the kind of music that inspires a certain darkness within me. I don’t say this thinking that I will turn into a bad person because of this music, but it makes me sad… to be honest, it makes me feel as if I have done terrible things, and now I must repent for them.
The next video I will share is tittled “Adagio”, an animated ten minutes film by Russian animator Garry Bardin. The film is based on the short story Danko and His Fiery Heart, writing by Maxim Gorky. Although the film is based on the story of Danko, to me, it is more a parable on how history repeats itself. It is not religious, although some of us might see it that way, but surely it portraits all that history has taught us.
Perhaps, one day, I will be able to create something as pure as this work of art… one day, when I have learned to be more like Danko.