It was 1:00 am in the quiet town of Miami Lakes, Fl, my boyfriend and I had recently moved a into a new complex called “The Courtyard” very tranquil and peaceful and then. Knock! Knock! I open the door after I was rudely interrupted from watching a really good episode of “LOST” and I see the round and pale figure(apparently my neighbor from upstairs) She said to me with a real southern accent and mild drunkenness, “Hi there, I’m Charlene your neighbor from above, I was wondering if you guys are like….(pause & and a bit of drooling)…exclusive to each other because…..you know… I could come inside and we can all have a good time!….blrrrrr” I was SHOCKED I had never had a sex proposition delivered right to my door and never the less from a neighbor. What was I to do? I said, “Charlene sweetie don’t you have a “boyfriend” or a “friend with benefits” that can satisfy your needs?” and she replied the most hilarious thing I have ever heard, “Well I have a “Pocket-Rocket” a vibrator that I put in my P_ _ _ y all day and that keeps me going but is not enough, so do ya’ all wanna do this or what?…blrrr…….(pause & and a bit of drooling) I said no thank you we are very exclusive to each other and we are not interested. What nerve this bitch got! She tried to physically force herself into the door while begging for me to let her spend the night meanwhile I could hear her 8-year-old calling her from upstairs. Can you say Trailer-trash? I looked over at my boyfriend at the time and I said “I think we are not in Kansas anymore” I had to shove the door in this lady’s face and all the while she kept screaming, “My Pocket-Rocket is not enough” “My Pocket-Rocket is not enough” The next morning when I got out to walk the dogs there was a card in my door, it had a picture of a pink elephant with a frown and it said inside: Dear neighbors I apologize for yesterday, sometimes I drink a little wine while watching “Sex and the City” and this kind of thing happens. Hope you can forgive me, Charlene.
How do you like that for a “Welcome to the Neighborhood”